What happens when the plot twists...? Pt 2
Burning it all to the ground...
Full disclosure: This post may not make a whole lot of sense to you if you haven't read Part 1. Luckily I've gone ahead and linked it for you right here: "What happens when the plot twists...?" Pt1
New Year’s Eve 2021.
3461 miles from home. A million miles from my old life.
Letting the lights of the city fill me with equal parts awe, and complete disbelief that I’m here. That I’ve made it here.
The city I’ve dreamed of for as long as I can remember.
New York City.
(The city I’ve dreamed of since September 22nd, 1994, to be precise - the date the first ever episode of ‘Friends’ aired in the UK. Which, as it turns out, was never even filmed in New York City.)
It had been 4 years to the day since THAT New Year’s Eve.
Four years since I’d picked myself up off the floor - literally and figuratively.
Since I’d decided that life doesn’t write my story for me - I do.
And here I was. I’d…survived.
I’d survived the grief.
The job loss.
The apartment from Hell.
The pandemic that destroyed my first attempt at a business.
The years of watching friends reach milestones I was so sure I’d be sharing, in a city where my old life was everywhere…but also nowhere.
Wondering where I was supposed to ‘fit’ now.
I’d survived until I was sick of just surviving.
I had a vision for my life - and this was not it.
I’ve always been a believer in taking massive action when things aren’t working. Moving fast. ‘Burning things to the ground,’ so to speak.
Which is how I’d ended up on a flight halfway across the world, alone. And while I might not have had a clue what was next, what I did have was an absolute certainty that I wasn’t going to find it where I was. In the city I’d called home for 14 years. The city I’d built my adult life in, where I’d spent the last 4 years trying to claw it back together.
Until I knew. The reason I was having so much trouble connecting to the life I was building here?
I wasn’t meant to.
This chapter of my story was over. And I could fight it. Or I could close it… and trust.
Within weeks, I had booked a flight and planned a three-month solo travel trip, further than I’d ever traveled in my life, let alone by myself. I told no one of my plans until I was ready to leave. A reminder that a woman on a mission does not require permission, validation - or other people’s opinions clouding her judgment.
Did everyone agree with my decision? No. Does it matter? Also no.
It was a freezing cold November evening when I landed in New York City. A trip that, unbeknown to me, was to change the entire trajectory for the next stage of my life.
A trip that would show me a vision of a life that I didn’t know was possible. One that I didn’t know I wanted with every single part of me - until I saw it.
And as I bring in the New Year, thinking about where I was 4 years earlier, I know that there’s nowhere else on this earth I’m meant to be right now than right here. In this exact place. With these exact people.
It would be the beginning of a three-year-long adventure that would forever change me as a person. One that saw me give up my home, my belongings, and fully close the door on the chapter of my life that had brought me there. Ready for the next.
Ready to write the next.
And as I write this, having lived in 6 cities and 4 countries (and counting) in 2 years…I’m reflecting on the woman who, in 2017, boldly decided that she wasn't going to be broken.
The woman who, in 2021, took the bet on herself. On her own voice. Who listened to the calling only she could hear.
And the woman I am today. Who proudly travels the world solo, when others still expect her to cling to safety.
Who has chased adventure.
Survived yet more heartbreak.
Reinvented after every setback, every challenge.
Who continues to walk towards the unknown.
Who learned to help others do the same.
A woman who stopped looking for where she fit…and created her space.
And I’m reminded of three simple words. Words I’ve repeated over and over.
Keep Fucking Going.
Even when it feels impossible…especially when it feels impossible.
We can rest. We can change direction. We can take time to reconnect…with ourselves, with our why.
We can question. We can evolve.
What we cannot do is stop.
We cannot start telling ourselves that this is it.
Defining ourselves by our past.
Telling ourselves that we’re done.
Losing sight of the vision for the life we want. The life we deserve.
I refuse to buy into any story that puts a limit on us, or on the future we have the power to create.
And I want you to do the same.
So here's to burning things to the ground.
PS: I just want to say such a huge thank you to you for reading this and to everyone who has subscribed to Muse Yourself. I have been absolutely blown away by the warm welcome here on Substack. Getting to share my stories means more to me than you know, and I'm so excited to keep delivering for you and growing this wonderful community 💕
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i love this post. so much resonates. i smiled at, "keep fucking going!" AMEN! and i love what you said about the importance of reconnecting to our why. we all need a why.
As someone who also fell in love with New York after watching friends and who is about to move across the world and change my life this post spoke to me so much! So did Part 1, about to binge read all your other Substack!