What happens when the plot twists...? Pt 1

The one you didn't see coming...

“Is this it...?”

“Is this the moment I finally break?”

The questions I’m contemplating as I drain the last of the wine from the bottle and stare at the boxes that have been there for over a month, piled in the hallway of the place I’m now supposed to call ‘home.’

With its moldy carpets, and the damp smell that I can’t get rid of even with enough scented candles for a goddamn seance. 

With the door that doesn’t close all the way and flings itself open at the slightest hint of wind - in the middle of a December storm so bad that it goes on to make weather history and be forever known as ‘The Beast From the East.’

This is home.

And every one of those boxes is filled with pieces of a life that isn’t mine anymore. A life I spent 10 years building, that has been destroyed in as many weeks. I’d buried my husband 8 weeks earlier - at 30 years old. We’d married two days before, determined not to be robbed of the chance to say our vows when it became clear that Cancer wasn’t planning on letting us have a lifetime together after all. A far cry from the Venice wedding we’d been planning, but perfect and love-filled nonetheless. My new Husband gave a speech saying he felt like ‘the luckiest man in the world.’ Then, two days later, he was…gone.

As is my job when an unexpected round of lay-offs hits four weeks later. And, because good things come in threes, I’m now trying to cram our entire life together into some cardboard boxes - I may not have quite figured out yet how I’m going to keep a roof over my head, but I do know that I can definitely no longer afford this particular roof.

Which is how I come to find myself on New Year’s Eve, 2017. Drinking alone. Wondering:

A: How the fuck did I end up here?

And B: What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

There are moments in life where we feel utterly defeated. 

Moments where all we can ask is ‘How do I come back from this?’

‘Can I even come back from this?’ 

And I believe it’s in that split second that we get to make a choice. Because the only thing that we ever truly have control over is the way we choose to behave in this moment. To know that every choice, every action that we take, right now, is shaping us into the woman we’ll become. And it’s not about invalidating our emotions in the process. It’s about making a decision. A decision to believe that we can create change. That we can create a different life. To know that we don’t ever have to be defined by where we are.

I choose to be a woman who moves forward with all of the knowledge, the lessons, and the wisdom I've fought so hard to earn. To know that I can meet challenge, head on, with grace. 

And to know that whatever pain life throws at me, I get to decide how I face it. I get to decide what it means for me moving forward.

I get to write my story.

That doesn’t mean never feeling angry. Or heartbroken.

It means I know I have the power to change how I move through life in any moment.

And I won’t do it perfectly. Not even close. 

But, like every time before, I’ll choose to get back up and face the world as the woman that I choose to be. The woman that I know I am. 

So today, I invite you to think about the woman you want to show up as.

The one you want to meet 5 years from now. Ten years from now.

The woman you choose to be when you’re being challenged beyond what you ever imagined.

When you don’t understand why.

The woman who is stronger, and more capable than you ever thought possible.

And I want you to know that you get to create her.

You get to write her story in every moment of every day.

So, who is she?

Tell me about her in the comments…

PS: I did eventually unpack the boxes if you were wondering.

PPS: If you’re wondering what happened next, you can read part 2 of this story right HERE

PPS: I just want to say such a huge thank you to you for reading this and to everyone who has subscribed to Muse Yourself. I have been absolutely blown away by the warm welcome here on Substack. Getting to share my stories means more to me than you know, and I'm so excited to keep delivering for you and growing this wonderful community 💕

If you’d like to support my work but you’re not in a position to commit to a paid subscription you can make a one-off donation just by clicking the button below! 😘

---

Have you listened to the podcast yet? You can find it right HERE on Substack

As well as Apple Podcasts and Spotify

It would mean the absolute world to me if you would SUBSCRIBE, SHARE OR REVIEW Muse Yourself wherever you get your podcasts!

JOIN MY COMMUNITY: Subscribe HERE⁠⁠ if you’d like new podcast episodes and blogs delivered right to your inbox. You can subscribe for free or, for less than the price of one latte a month, support my work by becoming a paid subscriber

WORK WITH ME: If you’d like to explore how we can work together, you can contact me ⁠⁠HERE⁠⁠